In ACA, the relationship between a sponsor and sponsee represents a spiritual connection between two people helping each other find life beyond the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Adult children cannot recover alone or in isolation. Together, we learn to offer and accept healthy support. We learn what it means to be a friend.
“Fellow Travelers”
The unique model of sponsorship practiced in ACA places the sponsor and sponsee on equal footing, seeking answers and solutions together. Through sponsorship, adult children find empathy. This is the mutual understanding that puts action into our identification with another adult child.
As “fellow travelers” in recovery, we need not fear sponsorship as a reenactment of the domination, neglect, or control we experienced as children. For many of us, ACA sponsorship will be our first chance to establish a relationship based on equality and mutual respect. This may be an unfamiliar concept since we come from families in which healthy relationships with respect and trust were not practiced.
Asking someone to become our sponsor is a key step in our recovery. To find an ACA sponsor, we go to ACA meetings and events and listen to members sharing. We look for someone who has worked the Twelve Steps of ACA, attends meetings regularly, and understands ACA principles. We may also look for someone who has achieved an observable level of serenity and emotional sobriety. Typically, we look for a sponsor of the same sex to avoid romantic confusion.
We may ask for a potential sponsor’s telephone number, and then call to talk about ACA. If we find we are comfortable talking with that person, we ask if they are available for sponsorship. We also discuss expectations of a sponsor/sponsee relationship. We might go through this process with two or three people. Eventually we ask one of them to be our sponsor.
In some areas, ACA sponsors are not readily available. In this situation, we may have to seek out a sponsor through a long-distance method or by visiting other towns where ACA is more active.
If we are asked to be a sponsor, we try to say “yes”. Sponsoring is one of the key actions that helps an ACA member maintain emotional sobriety while continuing to grow spiritually. By sponsoring others, we learn more about ourselves and the sequence of recovery. We learn that if we are working the Twelve Steps and attending ACA meetings regularly, we have something to offer another person. We can pass on the gift of recovery which was given to us.
Source: Fellow Traveler Trifold