By working the Steps, the adult child realizes family roles that were required to approximate protection in an unsafe home. We often feared for our safety and took on roles to disarm our parents. The adult child in recovery gets the chance to retire his or her role with dignity. We are never too old to work an ACA program and receive its benefits.
Hero or Rescuer
We insanely knock ourselves out in relationships or in the work place, hoping for affirmation and praise, which we don’t believe we deserve. Some of us tolerate unreasonable amounts of abuse or neglect in return for meager amounts of attention. We mask our efforts to control another person by appearing helpful.
Lost Child or Invisible Child
We remain silent, knowing that it is not safe to speak. We retreat to our room and remain absorbed in reading books, or fantasies of living elsewhere. Many lost children avoid relationships because we are terrified of abandonment.
Scapegoat or Black Sheep
We live out the parents’ prophesy of being a bad or rotten kid. The scapegoat child grows up accepting blame where none is due or attracts blame and acts out with negativity.
Mascot or Clown
Typically the youngest of the family, the mascot serves as comic relief for dysfunctional homes that leave little room for joy.
Source: Page 5, Twelve Steps of Adult Children; Chapters 7 and 14, ACA Fellowship Text (Big Red Book)